This is an entry I wrote over 2 years ago now but it never made it to the blog. At this point in my life, I was single after a really difficult break up (post divorce). I’m happy to say that “Guy” aka Mr. Wilson has squashed all of my fears and continues to be the most incredible, patient, hardworking, loving partner I could have hoped for. However, this mind game I was going through – the trust issues my first marriage created – they’re all very present in this conversation I was having with myself and I know it’s something most women can relate to. Divorce – what an annoying struggle to work out! But you’ll work it out. Keep at it.
Guy came back. What!? Yes, you heard me.
My recent posts have talked about Guy and heartbreak. Our relationship was so good and it was such a devastating breakup. I spent the last four months convincing myself to move on because he wasn’t coming back. I’d think about movies like Wicker Park (EPIC ending. This is a must see.) where they make their way back to each other in the end, or even freaking Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth and how they eventually worked things out. Could I be so lucky? I knew he loved me; it was a possibility. But my life isn’t a movie or a fairytale. He’s actively choosing to be apart from me. Like they say in “He’s Just Not That Into You”, you’re not the exception. You’re the rule.
So for four months, every morning started with a reminder – “He is gone. Don’t think about it. You’re not the exception.”
And then one day, after months of rejection, he came back.
He came back apologizing, kissing and complimenting, making amends and promises, loving and saying he will never leave – that he’s here to stay. It’s been a surreal experience to say the least. I’m still a little lost in it all. I can’t help but wonder what changed? For so long, he said no. Why yes, now? Is he going to change his mind later? I want to get wrapped up in the moment and let myself fall without hesitation. I can’t do it though. I’m trying to figure out if this is temporary or just a new reality, post-divorce.
Pre-divorce, I assumed and fully believed that exHusband would be there forever. We said i do, we had babies together, and he said he loved me. But one day, he changed his mind. He changed his mind and I faced the most reality altering, life shattering experience I might ever go through. With that, I learned that human beings have their limits. We each can handle only a certain amount of stress and unhappiness before we break and we start hurting other people. Exhusband had a low threshold. I think I’ve come close to my own personal limitations. What are Guy’s limits? I think only time will tell and provide the confidence I’m looking for.
Luckily, this time around I’ve had a better idea of what qualities are important to me in a marriage.
Loyalty, honesty, patience.
Exhusband changed his mind because all along the way he lacked loyalty, honesty, and patience. He lied, kept secrets, cheated, lost his patience, and he broke me. Most of all, he never loved me. I see that now, because no one has loved me the way that Guy does. No one.
Guy is loyal. Guy is honest. Guy is patient. He puts me first. He respects me. He needs me. He doesn’t keep secrets; he doesn’t do anything that he would feel he should hide. Guy loves GOD! Holy cow. Guy is so good and I don’t have to dig to find his good parts. They’re so apparent.